Looks Matter

By Cougarbaby


Beauty is only skin deep.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

It’s what’s on the inside that matters.

All of these statements are true. And, once someone really gets to know you, these statements will prove themselves true.  But…they have nothing to do with getting a man. What statement works for that?

You only get one chance to make a first impression.

And yes, I’m writing this article knowing full well that it’s going to generate hate mail. I don’t care. Is it superficial? Sure. Too bad. Welcome to reality. You can be the best person in the world on the inside and still be alone if the outer shell is unattractive. On the flip side, you can be the most beautiful woman in the world, but nobody will want you around if you’re an asshole. But that’s for another article.

So here’s the thing. Men are simple creatures. How do you keep them happy? I’m sure you’ve seen the meme, Men have only two things on their minds, so if you see one without an erection…make him a sandwich. Yup. Pretty much. Feed em and fuck em. Add in the occasional ego stroke and you’re gold.

BUT this works for the man you’ve already got.  And now we are back to how to get him. Men like hot. And sexy. And confident. (Of course there are exceptions, but I’m keeping my demographic broad.) To be hot, you do not have to be skinny. Skinny is what impresses other women. Most men don’t go for it. Generally a man would prefer a woman who is (what she believes is) about ten pounds over weight. But not fat. Yeah yeah, I know…I’m not supposed to say fat. Well guess what? It’s a word. It’s a thing. Don’t be it. Primarily because it is unhealthy. But also cuz it’s not hot.

I’m so tired of listening to women whine about losing men to “skinny bitches.” This is usually while shoveling in happy hour nachos or a bloomin onion or whatever. Ugh. “He should want me for ME!!” they complain. I get it. You are probably an amazing person with a ton of wonderful qualities. A man would be lucky to have you. And yet, you go home alone night after night while the “bimbos” get all the action. Don’t blame the so called bimbos. They are simply playing the game better than you. Smarten up. If you are going to play the game, you may as well play by the rules. So put down the fork and get off your ass.


So here you go. Improve your diet, hit the gym now and then, make better choices. Buddy up. It will really help to have a partner. Someone, in addition to yourself, to be accountable to. Someone with whom to share the misery. If you don’t have anyone in your life who fits the bill, find an online support group. FaceBook has a million of them. My sister has recently become a customer of (and now a successful coach for) BeachBody Fitness and The 21 Day Fix. Try it. Or, if that’s too expensive, I really like Melissa Bender of benderfitness.com. She has a TON of workouts and mealplans and it is FREE.


When you go out try this. Leave your hair down and flowing. Fluff it out and make it look as thick and luxurious as possible. Play up your eyes and lips but DO NOT cake on makeup. Generally bright red/pink lips are considered clown-like and a turnoff. Same goes for extreme cat eyes and colored eye shadow. Leave the purple lips and turquoise shadow to Katy Perry. And for God’s sake, don’t drown yourself in perfume. These are all red flags that (to men) scream high maintenance.

What to wear? Pick your favorite asset. Do you have gorgeous legs? Wear a short skirt. Do you have awesome boobies? Wear a fitted top with a scoop neck. Do you have an amazing hour glass figure? Wear a bodycon dress or a snug top with skinny jeans. BUT pick just one! The tight, short, lowcut dress is like a flashing neon sign “please notice me” and again kinda screams high maintenance. Save that look for AFTER you’ve got him. Right now practice less is more and try to leave a little to the imagination. BE SUBTLE. And dress appropriately for the venue. Don’t get all fancied up to hang out in a sports bar. Jeans with a white tank is pretty much the sexiest thing any woman can wear. Seriously. Ask your guy friends.


Once you are well on your way toward hot and you are figuring out sexy, confident will come. You will realize that the above info is right. Less is more and subtle is better than flashing neon. You will start getting more and more attention. You will probably even hear a bitter woman whine, “What’s so special about her?” Booyah! How’s that for a confidence booster?? Kinda petty? Sure. But still… 😉

Another great way to build confidence is to get in touch with your sexuality. I highly suggest signing up for pole dance classes. It’s also a FANTASTIC workout, so…two birds. Here’s a great answer to the question, “Why pole?”

(Click this link if your browser doesn’t show the video.)

So there you have it. Now go get em!




  1. I agree that looks matter. What also should matter (depending on how important this is to the woman) is what she finds attractive in a man as well.
    For me, I’m not gonna let him have all the fun. I like hot and sexy, too. And what has attracted the cutest men (to me) by far is the subtle look you describe, but I was rarely ultra feminine in appearance. I like tight-fitting clothes, though.
    I could look more glam (wear makeup, more colors, longer hair), but I know I will be attracting men I do not desire. I work the androgynous angle from time to time, and it gives the results I want. Just like in a post by Kryptokate about women finding their niche, I know my demographic, and I cater to it.
    I may not attract *most* men, but I attract men I want to be with–the ones I desire, sexually. My feeling is why spend all that energy to become a Sexy goddess when you will attract more duds than stunners?

  2. @Angelika, it sounds like you are doing a more focused version of what I suggested. I was trying to be as big picture as possible for the women who are hoping to attract a large volume of men. Things like glamour, and make up, and jewelry, etc. are definitely more individual. BUT (allowing for preferential variances,) hot, sexy, and confident are universal.

  3. Yes, I agree. Looking good is the threshold that attracts, and then you can impress someone longterm with your personality and intellect. But don’t expect people to overlook their initial visual impression. Unfortunately, seeing IS believing, even when the sight is an illusion.

    Also totally agree with Angelika about attracting your niche. I don’t want the type of guy that likes women in high heels and dresses so I don’t wear them, except very, very rarely. The guys who I like tend to like my tomboyish outfits (that always still show my figure). And it works both ways. I go bananas for a guy in a flannel shirt and don’t at all like a guy in a suit. Guys who like suits are playing to a different niche of girl. It’s better to be a 10 to your target audience than try to please everyone and end up as a 7 to everyone in a bland, generic manner.

    I know lots of guys LOVE chicks with tattoos whereas the guys that love me most love that I have none because that’s so rare nowadays. But you can’t be everything to everyone, so no use trying.

    Maybe one day in the future we will all be able to pick out a daily body avatar and try on a different look, gender, race, and age everyday. Til then we’re stuck with what we have and it isn’t fair, but people are very, VERY visual and there’s no point trying to deny that reality. Though I suppose if one really wants to deny it, they could always set up camp outside a school for the blind or something. 😉 Outside of that, looks will always matter. Just be glad that as ladies we aren’t tyrranized by height like men are. 🙂

  4. Good post, and I agree with your main points. I would add however that unless you are screening for only the super confident guys who sleep with tons of chicks, you need to also work into your look something that makes you approachable. I think many women vastly underestimate the power their beauty can have on men and how intimidating it can be, to the point where all the effort they put into dressing up for a night only ensures that they don’t get hit on by the guys they are really after.
    So if you’re into shyer, nerdier, or more introverted guys instead of the alpha player types you need to incorporate some element of approachability or vulnerability in your look (e.g. glasses) that allows them to feel they can come over and say hello. I think this is far more effective than simply ‘toning it down’ and handicapping yourself with dress/makeup that makes you look less attractive.
    Of course, if you do want the alpha player guys then looking perfect is a great strategy and will ensure that the only guys who hit on you are the ones with enough balls to go for it.

  5. I like this topic a lot and I always think it’s really interesting. I like Kurt’s way of thinking, that you shouldn’t be so un-like yourself or intimidating. I guess you’ll see what results you’ll get by just being yourself.

    This happened quite awhile back, but once I was getting ready to go out to a bar at night with some friends and I put on an orange Nickelodeon velcro bracelet that I’d found in a cereal box. It turned out to really attract a lot of guys my way! They would come up to me and be like, is that a Nickelodeon bracelet?! I had a little fan club that night.

  6. I agree that looking your best is always a good thing. I’m in the camp though that feels like over dressed and high maintenance is always better than under-dressed. When in doubt, pick the nicer outfit.
    It’s amazing what a skirt can do to the minds of men. 🙂 For work we have to wear polo shirts with the company logo on them, which is totally un-sexy. We are generally supposed to wear pants with them, but sometimes I like to do something different.
    Anyway, this past weekend I decided to wear a skirt and leggings at this event I was working and you wouldn’t believe how many men were hitting on me! A few told me I was gorgeous and one even asked me out to dinner.
    What’s funny is that I was actually feeling like crap, on my period, bloated, and my eyes were puffy from crying. The skirt was sort of my attempt to feel a little better and for some reason it attracted a lot of male attention.

  7. Case in point: Im going out with a guy tonight that is visiting here because he is in some sort of boxing tournament. He wants to take me to a low key BBQ spot for dinner, because he said all he is bringing with him are casual clothes and t-shirts. Then he turns around and asks if I will wear a nice skirt and heels, because he likes that. :p Something about a skirt just gets a lot of men going…

  8. Absolutely.
    As long as you have the body type for it (slim waist with at least a noticeable hip flare) it’s really hard to do better than a skirt if you want to fire up a man’s lust. They don’t call it skirt chasing for nothing.

  9. @ Burma. Thats funny, it’s true, something dumb that gives guys an excuse to talk to you is unbelievably effective. I stumbled on that too once. A vendor was selling hats and hair accessories outside a venue once and I bought a big sparkly headband for a couple bucks, not thinking much about it. The rest of the night virtually every guy who walked by me said something about it or used it as a reason to make a comment. My friends and I were totally amazed at the power of simply wearing something shiny on your head, lol, we called it the magic headband. It’s not easy to talk to strangers so giving guys an easy opener works really well. 🙂

  10. Great article! Now you should write one about how women can get more approachable in public and not act like total snobs.

  11. In male PUA lingo it’s called ‘peacocking’. Wearing something outlandish and attention-getting to make yourself stick out from the crowd, demonstrate your individuality, and serve as a conversation starter. It definitely works both ways, but for slightly different reasons I think.

  12. James Bay-
    Okay, sounds simple but from a woman’s point of view I am over here going okay-
    What is “hot”?
    What is “sexy”?
    What is “feminine”?
    In what ways and how do I “let a man lead”?
    What does it mean to “fuck him good” when you are a woman?
    Care to explain further?

  13. Yes, I want to know what “f*ck him good” means since we are women! What are we supposed to do? Maybe he means just don’t lay there silently like a dead body.

  14. @Bulma. I don’t think it’s any different than what makes a man good in bed: be passionate, unrestrained, expressive and enthusiastic. Let yourself be controlled by your lust. Thrash and scream. Say crazy dirty shit.
    There are plenty of ways for women to be hot in bed but the common theme I always notice is that it represents a complete lack of inhibition. I think this is why the crazy ones are always the hottest in the sack 🙂

  15. Hello Kurt, You said it’s no different than what makes a man good in bed, but men don’t thrash around & yell do they? The only thing they do is talk dirty from what I’ve experienced, so maybe I’m wrong. Easier said than done though. Not everyone is comfortable enough to have a complete lack of inhibition and restraint. I guess that craziness in bed comes naturally to some, but there is also a middle ground where you aren’t acting like a porn star but you also aren’t laying there like a dead body either. I guess, everyone is different.

  16. I think the best way to lose weight is to give up the bread. It has twice the calories as rice at the same weight.

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