How To Lose A Guy On A First Date

by Cougarbaby


Have you ever had a first date that you thought went well but you never heard from the guy again?  Does this happen often?  Are you baffled by it?  I’m sure you’ve spent hours discussing it with your friends yet still have not figured out why.  This is probably because your friends don’t know date you.  They only know “friend you.” OR (and this is a biggie) because they won’t step up and tell you the hard-to-hear truth.  I will.  I will tell you the truth based on countless interviews (ahem…dates) where I have asked the guy to tell me his worst first date story.

She looked NOTHING like her pics. Really ladies?? This is just an asshole move.

She was late.  No call, no text, no good reason.  Just late.  This is SO RUDE and a HUGE turn off.

She wore WAY TOO MUCH make-up.  I’ve actually heard the words, “She looked like she was going to fight Batman!”  OMG hilarious!!  Guys like to see you, not your make-up.  They especially don’t like lipstick. They look at your mouth and think of kissing you. If it looks like you’ll smear red all over them, ew. They will also think of going to bed with you. Actual words, “My pillow case looked like a CSI crime scene after she left.”  They wonder what you really look like.  “What will she look like after a shower?  Will I recognize her?”  So anyway, go easy.  In this case, less is more.

She wore WAY TOO MUCH perfume. Please don’t waft in on a cloud of scent. Most guys would rather smell you straight out of the gym than straight out of a perfume bath.  And if you are trying to cover up cigarette smell? Guess what?  The jig is up.  Now you’ve doubled down.

She wouldn’t shut up about her ex. No guy wants to hear about your ex.  Maaaaybe down the road a bit, but still not in great detail.

All she did was bitch. About her friends, about her job, about her life. Ugh!  Let’s keep it happy, okay?  If you have nothing happy to talk about, then perhaps you’re not quite ready to be dating.

She got hammered. Do I really need to explain why this is bad? Wait. One thing. How stupid are you?? Seriously!? You don’t know this guy. Getting drunk with a stranger is just asking for trouble.

She dressed really slutty. Even if the purpose of the date is a hook-up, he still wants you to look like you might not be willing to bang any guy there.

She ordered really expensive stuff. Don’t.  Just…don’t.

I’m going to close with a story that I only heard once, but that I found so ridiculous I simply must share. Apparently this gal went on and on (and on) about her friend’s band.  She actually whipped out her earbuds, forced them into the guy’s ears, then held them in place while her favorite song played.

“She raped my ears!!”  He was so appauled that when she finally released him he told her he had to go to the bathroom, then ran (yes ran) for the door and left her there.

So ask yourself, “Do I do any of these things?” And be honest. If you do, then perhaps you could modify your behaviour a bit. I understand that you’ve gotta be you, but…

Just try to pay attention. Ask yourself, “Is he interested in this?” Is he focused on you while you talk or is he looking around, fiddling with his keys or his phone or whatever. If he isn’t asking follow up questions or otherwise getting involved then it’s time to change subjects. Ask him something about him. If he still isn’t “present” then it is probably time to end the date.

And guys, if you’re reading this, it applies to you too. Hopefully minus the make-up and slutty clothes. ;-P

Anyhoo.  Hope this helps. Good luck out there!!




  1. Ha! I’ve heard some horror stories from men as well. The worst ones are women who show up to a date looking like crap! Why would you even bother? Like one guy told me a woman had showed up with her hair in a bun and no makeup, dressed sloppily. Wtf? Who goes on a date like that?? He’d met more than one woman who was like that too, actually, quite a few. I am appalled!! Come on ladies, at least TRY to look good if you are going out with someone!!

  2. The only one that surprised me was many guys saying they didn’t like it if a girl dressed really slutty. Can’t they see that she’s trying to impress them? I understand not all guys like girls to dress that way though, but I thought it might earn a girl some points at least with half of the guys.

    I think some guys can be pretty picky. I had a very brief relationship with a guy I met online last year. At first you’d have thought we were two peas in a pod. He’d go on and on, saying how he knew we’d be together for many years, how he liked me so much and how we had so much in common. But I can say, just one little error on my part and he changed his tune pretty fast. I believe it was because I turned down plans with him a couple of times in a row……and the reason I had was legit! It’s like, dude relax, there is always next time and he didn’t seem to see it from my point of view. In the end he said, “he thought there was a wedge between us.” I guess that was a deal-breaker and trust me, he was no ray of sunshine either. Thank goodness I’m not with him anymore – who wants to be with somebody that sensitive? I noticed his online dating profile again after we’d split and you should have seen the list of requirements he had for us girls in his profile!!!

  3. Even worse then overdone lipstick on the lips is lipstick on the teeth. WOW that’s tough to get past. Don’t get me wrong I have experienced nearly all of the above at least once but I think you are missing the point a little bit. Be HONEST and be YOURSELF. Let me clarify what I mean.

    The biggest issue I have seen BY FAR in my substantial online dating experience is WOMEN LIE a lot on their online profiles. You correctly mention having misleading pics and this is far and away the biggest issue. And I have seen it all. Pics of their younger, hotter sister. Pics that are 10+ years old. Pics scanned in from a magazine. Pics stolen from someone else’s dating profile or Facebook. Sometimes they are just the most flattering pics ever taken of that person; which is also dishonest in a way. When you first meet someone on a first date the last thing you want is for their first feeling towards you to be that of disappointment. Have a variety of pics (at least 5 or so) that show how you honestly look NOW. If I had a dollar for every time I have heard “I take terrible pics…I look much better in person.”

    But the other lies people tell are often a bit more subtle but almost equally disappointing. People are 20+ lbs heavier than they claimed/were in their pics. They are 33 but claimed to be 26 and justify it by saying, “…but I get carded all the time and don’t look my age.” Said they didn’t smoke when they smoke like a chimney. Claim to be a triathlete when their last race was 8 years ago. Said they had 1 kid when they have 3. Say they are divorced when they are separated. My favorite is when women lie about both their height AND weight. A woman that is 5′ 4″ and 145 says she is 5′ 6″ and 135. They must figure if they only lie about each one a little it won’t matter that much. And “Athletic” doesn’t mean 25lbs overweight or you played lacrosse in high school. Your dating profile isn’t who you wish you were…it is who you actually are!

    I cannot tell you how wonderful (and sadly rare) it is when I meet someone and I find out all that they have on their profile and have told me via text and phone is actually true. Most people won’t be a match for each other and that’s as it should be. Just be TOTALLY honest about everything in your profile and in your interactions and save everyone a lot of time and effort.

    And I disagree that you should modify your behavior at all. You should be who you are. If you are overweight, find someone that doesn’t mind some extra cushin for the pushin. If you are always late, find a laid back guy that is cool with it. If all she does is bitch and moan about her life and is a generally more negative person, then perhaps she needs to find a guy that feels the same way about life. If she loves to get hammered all the time (and lots of people do) she should be with a guy that loves to put ‘em away too. If she loves to flaunt her sexuality, let her find a guy that loves to show off his woman. If she loves the finer things in life and wants a guy that can afford them…go for it and don’t apologize for it. BE YOURSELF.

    If instead you pretend you are one way “Oh I hate when people are late. I am always on time…” when in fact you would be late to your own funeral, it won’t end well anyway.

    Another point worth making is there is a big difference in how discerning a guy will be if he doesn’t see you as relationship material. This is true both in terms of looks and attitude. Non-existent boobs or a too big nose might be deal killers for someone I am dating more seriously but totally overlook-able if we are just FWB. Same with someone that is late often or cancels easily. I might tolerate it if she is just a plan b hookup and fun in bed but would never accept that behavior if it was someone I am dating. The smoking hot woman who’s life is a bit of a train wreck and isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer is no biggie when she is “Wednesday” but of little interest if I am seeing her on a regular basis.

    The other mistake people make (but I do think women make it more often) is they waste energy when a guy vanishes for what seems like no reason. First of all there is always a reason. But the reason is IRRELEVANT. Maybe he got back with his wife/mistress/gf. Maybe he thought you were too much of a prude (or too wild) in bed. Maybe he decided he didn’t want anything serious and it was clear you wanted more. Maybe he was a player and just wanted to sleep with you a few times. Maybe he was kidnapped by aliens.

    Guys can be bad when get getting dumped/blown off, but honestly women are usually worse. You don’t want someone that doesn’t want you and if you do you have some self esteem issues you need to work out before you date anyone. When someone blows you off that means the relationship is over. For whatever reason you weren’t compatible. Move on and find a guy that is.

    Bulma78’s comment is a perfect example. Wasting energy on a guy that wasn’t interested in her. Re-reading his dating profile to justify why him not being interested in her was a good thing…”he was no ray of sunshine either.” If you felt that was the case then why the hell would you have dated him in the first place and been at all dismayed when he ended things? You can read it in her comment…it screams “why didn’t he want me?” When a women gets dumped, the amount of time she will often spend looking at her ex’s Facebook, dating profiles, old emails, old texts, etc. and dissecting them with a panel of her girlfriends is just a colossal waste of time and energy that could be spent pursuing someone where you make each other happy. Happy hunting ladies.

  4. I would I agree I don’t have the best self-esteem. Although low self-confidence for me is more of a mood, it’s not constant. Well things started out great at first. Then after two months he started acting distant and said he was stressed out and depressed, then eventually he said he thought there was a wedge between us. So that was when he went from being a fun, happy person to no longer being a ray of sunshine. True, I did check his profile and I re-read old text messages and emails; I’m guilty of that, but I didn’t show any of those things to my friends. It’s just weird how things can be so great and then turn sour just as fast. I just meant I’m glad I’m not with him any longer, knowing what I know now. Moving on is so awesome!

  5. Women getting way too drunk is a huge one that I hear a lot.

    I think going on dates, especially first dates, is really anxiety-inducing and people drink to try to calm down. And then they overdo it. If they didn’t eat much because they wanted to look good and have a flat stomach, this just makes it worse. But I think a lot of guys would prefer a girl who was nervous to one who is sloppy drunk, which is a massive turn off.

    OTOH, I’ve had great first dates that involved jointly getting drunk, but it has to be a mutual endeavor. A girl shouldn’t get plowed while her date has one beer.

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