People are forever asking me, “Why are you always in such a good mood? What is your secret?” Well here it is: I choose to be. It’s mind over matter people. It is quite simple, once you get the hang of it.
Many years ago I made a New Year’s resolution to be less negative. Or, more appropriately, to be more positive. To find the silver lining in everything. Some examples of what used to be hot button issues for me are:
Traffic, then: Ugh! I was the road rage queen.
Traffic, now: I avoid driving during rush hour whenever possible. If/when I do get stuck in a jam I put myself behind a semi (cuz that’ll give you the smoothest ride as they go slow and steady not stop and go) and I queue up a karaoke practice song. Or I make phone calls (using an approved hands free device of course). Doesn’t matter if it’s for work or pleasure. I’m multi-tasking, getting stuff done that needs doing AND distracting myself from the traffic.
Noise, then: I wouldn’t go out because I hated how loud it was everywhere.
Noise, now: I go out on off nights like Tuesday or I wear earplugs.
Stupid people, then: I’d get all judgey and “look what a dumbass she is…”
Stupid people, now: I ask myself how I’d react if it was my bestie behaving that way. I’d probably laugh indulgently right? “Aww she’s having so much fun!”
Inconsiderate people, chronic lateness, then: Total rage.
Inconsiderate people, chronic lateness, now: Practicality. Plan ahead. When I’m going to meet ANYONE, I take a book with me so I’ll have something to do if they are late. If it’s someone who is always late, I either quit making plans with them (cuz…asshole) OR I ask them to let me know when they have left their house and what Siri says is their ETA.
When life throws you a curve ball, swing away, bash the shit out of it, then run for home.
More examples. Hmm. Okay here goes…
You are sad because of X. Ask yourself, “Can I change this situation?” If yes, do so. If no, figure out a way to deal with it. Cry it out, talk it out, get therapy. Don’t just torture yourself and those around you.
You are unhappy in your relationship. First identify the problem. Then (honestly) figure out if the problem is you or him. Do you have unrealistic expectations?
Like…He didn’t text me right back. Think it through. Is he at work? Maybe he’s *gasp* working. Or maybe your last text didn’t require a response.
He didn’t remember our month-a-versary. Really? Of course he didn’t. It isn’t a thing.
He didn’t remember my birthday. Well, that can be a thing. Personally, I don’t understand why grown-ups get so bent about their birthday. But if you are one of the many who do (get bent), keep in mind, he is just a guy. He is not programmed to remember stuff like that. Go ahead and remind him.
He didn’t get me what I wanted. Sigh. Did he KNOW what you wanted? Did you tell him? He is not a mind reader ya know. Yes, it would be super great if guys could pick up on the teeny tiny uber subtle little hints we women drop, but they can’t. If something is important to you, make it known. Be obvious. Men don’t speak subtle. Swing away ladies. Then leave it alone. Do not EXPECT him to come through. That is way too much pressure. Leave it alone, then if/when he comes through it’ll be a nice bonus.
So, the bottom line is FIND THE SILVER LINING. Stop. Breathe. Think. Then react. Good luck!!