How To Be Positive

By Cougarbaby


People are forever asking me, “Why are you always in such a good mood? What is your secret?”  Well here it is: I choose to be.  It’s mind over matter people. It is quite simple, once you get the hang of it.

Many years ago I made a New Year’s resolution to be less negative. Or, more appropriately, to be more positive. To find the silver lining in everything. Some examples of what used to be hot button issues for me are:

Traffic, then: Ugh! I was the road rage queen.

Traffic, now: I avoid driving during rush hour whenever possible. If/when I do get stuck in a jam I put myself behind a semi (cuz that’ll give you the smoothest ride as they go slow and steady not stop and go) and I queue up a karaoke practice song. Or I make phone calls (using an approved hands free device of course). Doesn’t matter if it’s for work or pleasure. I’m multi-tasking, getting stuff done that needs doing AND distracting myself from the traffic.

Noise, then: I wouldn’t go out because I hated how loud it was everywhere.

Noise, now: I go out on off nights like Tuesday or I wear earplugs.

Stupid people, then: I’d get all judgey and “look what a dumbass she is…”

Stupid people, now: I ask myself how I’d react if it was my bestie behaving that way. I’d probably laugh indulgently right? “Aww she’s having so much fun!”

Inconsiderate people, chronic lateness, then: Total rage.

Inconsiderate people, chronic lateness, now: Practicality. Plan ahead. When I’m going to meet ANYONE, I take a book with me so I’ll have something to do if they are late. If it’s someone who is always late, I either quit making plans with them (cuz…asshole) OR I ask them to let me know when they have left their house and what Siri says is their ETA.

When life throws you a curve ball, swing away, bash the shit out of it, then run for home.

More examples. Hmm. Okay here goes…

You are sad because of X. Ask yourself, “Can I change this situation?” If yes, do so. If no, figure out a way to deal with it. Cry it out, talk it out, get therapy. Don’t just torture yourself and those around you.

You are unhappy in your relationship. First identify the problem. Then (honestly) figure out if the problem is you or him. Do you have unrealistic expectations?

Like…He didn’t text me right back. Think it through. Is he at work? Maybe he’s *gasp* working. Or maybe your last text didn’t require a response.

He didn’t remember our month-a-versary. Really? Of course he didn’t. It isn’t a thing.

He didn’t remember my birthday. Well, that can be a thing. Personally, I don’t understand why grown-ups get so bent about their birthday. But if you are one of the many who do (get bent), keep in mind, he is just a guy. He is not programmed to remember stuff like that. Go ahead and remind him.

He didn’t get me what I wanted. Sigh. Did he KNOW what you wanted? Did you tell him? He is not a mind reader ya know. Yes, it would be super great if guys could pick up on the teeny tiny uber subtle little hints we women drop, but they can’t. If something is important to you, make it known. Be obvious. Men don’t speak subtle. Swing away ladies. Then leave it alone. Do not EXPECT him to come through. That is way too much pressure. Leave it alone, then if/when he comes through it’ll be a nice bonus.

So, the bottom line is FIND THE SILVER LINING. Stop. Breathe. Think. Then react. Good luck!!




  1. I agree that there is no benefit in getting super stressed about the small things in life. It’s also very unpleasant to spend time around people that are always negative. It just drags you down.
    I’ve got this new co-worker (male) that is always bitching about our job and its just like, dude, you chose to do this, the rest of us love it because we came at it with a different attitude. He used to be the boss in a similar line of work so he feels like everything should be done differently, while the rest of us are all happy with the way things are.
    Sometimes you just have to rewire your mindset. I used to get upset when men didn’t text me back right away and now I’m SUPER relaxed about it. I’ve dropped my expectations. Maybe because I’ve been on the other end, where someone is annoyed with ME, a few too many times, and saw what a turn off it was.
    As far as birthdays and anniversaries and that sort of thing, I’ve found its best to go in with an attitude of not EXPECTING. Just allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised if he DOES do something for you. I had a guy awhile back who was pushing and pushing me to do something with him and for him for his birthday and it was incredibly irritating and made me not want to do ANYTHING with him at all. Entitlement is not attractive and I think a lot of women struggle with that when it comes to gifts for special days, without realizing how it comes across to the guy.

  2. I love your mentality here. There are things I have learned to stop caring so much about, if not just for the protection of my own sanity. I look around and I see people they get so upset about the smallest things, and do deal they do on all these medications. I suppose some people do need them, but I can’t help but think some of them would do well by just learning to relax and change their attitude a little.

  3. Great post, Cougarbaby! This makes me think of the movie Silver LInings Playbook with Bradley Cooper which is surprisingly not bad for a rom com. My NYE resolution for 2016 is to be More positive.. What really helps me is acceptance- accepting the things I cannot change about the past or the present exactly as they are and work on things that are in my control. As they say “it’s all I your head” which is cliche and annoying but true.. It’s a matter of perspective and putting a positive spin on things is a hell of a lot more pleasant. 🙂

  4. Ashley… I was able to crack the code on your first post, but thanks for the second one. It made me laugh!

    I’m glad you guys liked it. It truly is a mind over matter mentality. If you choose to be happy, then you will be.

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