Draw Him In…with a Twitch of Your Lips!

by Lovergirl


Have you ever wondered why some women seem to attract constant attention from men, even though she may not be your idea of pretty, or have a perfect figure?  Do you ever wonder what exactly they see in HER?  Everyone has different tastes, but there are some women that just draw men in like flies. How do they do it?

I want to let you in on a little secret today, because I happen to be one of those women.  At times, it has even baffled ME, because I’m not exceptionally beautiful, or young (I’m getting dangerously close to 40!) and I don’t even dress like a slut.  I’m in decent shape for someone with kids, but I’m definitely not perfect.  Yet somehow, almost every man I meet gets pulled in like a magnet.

It’s almost comical how often I get hit on and some of my girlfriends and sisters have expressed jealousy over that fact.  They are like, “How come YOU always get hit on and I don’t??”  Sometimes, it just doesn’t seem to make sense.

I’ve been out with women that I think are more physically attractive than myself, yet I was the one getting approached more often by men.  When I was younger some of my friends would accuse me of “batting my eyelashes” at them.  More recently a friend expressed exasperation at having to fend off all the guys whenever she hangs out with me.  Sigh…what can I say? I’m a natural flirt and I can do it all without saying a word!

Maybe by now you are getting frustrated, thinking, okay Lovergirl, that’s all well and good for YOU but how is that going to help ME?  Well, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this subject lately and I think I have it figured out!  What’s even better is that it’s something super simple and that ANYONE and EVERYONE can do!

Of course, I am speaking specifically to women here, because the things that attract men and that attract women are not always the same, not in our current culture and world.  As women, even in this day and age, we generally prefer to let men be the initiators and approachers in the mating dance.  Sometimes we even feel “stuck” because we don’t want to seem too forward or aggressive, showing interest in a man that we have taken notice of, and that’s okay!

I’ll admit that I am a woman that does not like to take the initiative with men.  I want to be the one who is being pursued.  I love it when a man makes the first move!  To me it shows masculinity and that is HOT coming from a guy, but not a position I want to put MYSELF in.

SO, what can I do to capture a man’s attention while still retaining my feminine allure?  It’s easy girls, and it’s all in the way you move….your LIPS.  Okay, maybe there’s a little bit more to it but that’s the first part, your SMILE.  Nothing radiates feminine energy across the room like a beaming SMILE across your face, especially if it is directed at a particular man, but even if it’s not.

You can be smiling at small children, a kitten, the beautiful sunshine and flowers you stopped to smell on the way to work, heck even if you are smiling at a little old lady, or another man, your smile will draw men into you.  Everyone loves a smiling woman, but especially men!

Don’t believe me?  Try this at home.  I don’t care what you look like, how many pounds you need to lose, or even if you have crooked teeth.  Go to your nearest grocery store and walk through it beaming like a sunbeam.  Think of whatever you need to think of to put a smile on your face.  Put your mind in your most daydreamy, happy place and do it until you light up like a Christmas tree.  Look at every person you see and give them a smile, and see how many stop to talk to you!  Even if you are just laughing to yourself at how ridiculous it is to try this- give it a whirl!

I smile A LOT.  Not that I am always happy, because believe me, I have been through hell and high water in my life, but somehow I manage to remember and focus on the little things that make me smile, fairly often.  Maybe its the words my grandmother always said to me as a child “you look ten times prettier when you are smiling than when you frown” or maybe its just because I’ve learned in life that it brings out a positive reaction in people.

I currently work a sales job.  I managed to work my way up to the top salesperson at the company within a matter of months, with no previous experience in this particular line of work.  You wanna know what people say to me all the time?  Random strangers, who know nothing about me, tell me what a great personality I have and how I always SMILE, and that it’s attractive.  Men, especially, say things like this to me on an almost daily basis!  Did I mention that’s often the first comment I get on dating sites, that men love my smile or that I am smiling in most of my pictures?  They definitely notice!

It’s not just me either.  I was working last night at a venue where there were many other salespeople.  Across the room I noticed a particular young woman who had flocks of people, and especially men, coming to query about her product.  She looked shining, glowy, radiant- because she was SMILING at everyone in her path.

Just the other day I was walking down the street in the heart of the city with a big smile on my face.  It was just so beautiful outside and I felt so happy to be living here.  Plus, I was on my way to pick up some free tickets to the circus. I was off in my own world and unbeknownst to me, one of my lovers was watching.  He texted me to ask what I was doing downtown.  He was with a client, working and couldn’t come speak to me but he was hounding and hounding me for a meetup later that day. I don’t doubt for a minute that he was turned on by the shiny, happy vibe I was radiating.  It seems irresistible to men.

Think about all the songs you’ve heard sung about a woman’s smile, or all the famous book and television characters of the past with sunny dispositions.  They charmed and were loved by, everyone.  I’ve read of feminists complaining that women are expected to smile more often than men and perhaps it seems “sexist” but the reason they want us to is they love it and are affected in a positive way.  I don’t see it as a bad thing.

Even though men can smile too, they don’t tend to do it as often.  Many times, men walk about with a serious expression on their face. What brings them out of their heads and into the moment, is often the emotion expressed by women around them, especially HAPPY emotions.  Women often don’t realize that we have the power to affect men so easily.  We don’t stop to think that a simple smile can brighten someone’s entire day but sometimes it does!

Now you may be thinking, well, I just don’t feel like smiling all the time.  I have a stressful, busy life and a lot on my plate (don’t we all!).  Or maybe you feel down in the dumps because your love life isn’t where you want it to be.  I’m not saying you should ignore your true feelings or be fake.  Anyone can suss out a fake smile.  You aren’t really fooling anyone.

It’s okay to be depressed sometimes or feel negative emotions.  I’m not saying any of that is unacceptable.  I’m only saying that when you want to draw someone in, the first step is to look straight at them, and SMILE.  Even if you are some totally emo, goth chick and you suddenly smile at a man, it is going to make an impact.  Maybe even more so since its out of character and catches him by surprise.

I’ve found that the absolute EASIEST way to get a man you want to approach you is to look at him and catch his eye, smile, quickly look away, and look back up him as though you are embarrassed…then of course you look away again.  After that ignore him until he comes to talk to you.  Maybe look from under your eyelashes, in a shy sort of way (is that “batting your eyelashes”?  sort of/kind of, just a little bit? lol).   If he’s got any guts and is remotely attracted to you, there is a good chance he’ll approach you now.  Its worth a try and you have nothing to lose. Let me know how it goes!!




  1. Thank you for your comment Cyndi and I agree! People have a positive association with smiling so that it is hard to avoid smiling back or thinking good things about you.

  2. This is interesting because I am basically the total opposite…I have a very serious face that makes a lot of people think I’m a stuck-up bitch until they get to know me, and then they realize I’m really pretty easy-going, just not smiley. But my best friend is like you…very smiley, bubbly, and just extremely charming and loveable and people definitely can’t help but liking her. And I definitely do sometimes ride off her ability to immediately make friends with people and draw them in….she certainly has way more friends than me.

    I think there is some trickiness here because smiling is associated with subordinate status….service workers have to smile, those in charge don’t. That’s why high fashion models always have contemptuous looks — to convey the high status of the brand they’re selling. So there can be a balance where you don’t want to come across as TOO supplicating. In my friend’s case, she’s kind of the opposite of me in that she is very bubbly, friendly, and smiley on the surface but she is actually a pretty ruthless bitch, has a spine of steel, and is willing to get very aggressive with people if need be. Whereas I come across as cold but I’m pretty passive and cooperative, really. So perhaps the “bitch shield” is there because I know I’m not really t0ugh, underneath the facade.

    Different strokes, but if one has a naturally friendly, smiley personality, it will definitely create a LOT more opportunities and just more willingness on the part of other people to engage with you. I can’t really do it without coming off inauthentic, unless I’m drinking, and then I become a lot friendlier and more interactive with strangers…I’m too reserved otherwise.

  3. Remember that high fashion is intended to attract women more than men. Women like the idea of being better than other women, so the inferred status is probably helpful in selling clothes. When a commercial is directed at men and using women with sex appeal, for example a beer commercial with women in bikinis, the women will be smiling.
    Almost all men have SOME fear of approaching a woman because even the most experienced man risks rejection, A smile is inviting and a “bitch shield” or “resting bitch face” is intimidating. Women have developed those shields precisely to DETER men that they are uninterested in.
    For example, the stereotypical corporate woman gets the “bitchy” title because she has to be serious about her work. If she is too smiley and fun, men will be too attracted to her to see her as their business equal.
    When I was fresh out of college, I worked in a group home for at risk teenage boys, some of whom were only a few years younger than I was. I had to be verrrry careful that my demeanor always said “off limits”, in order to be respected. Any suggestion of submission could have been physically dangerous. Yet, when it comes to sexual attraction, and at the most base, primal level, a woman “submitting” to him via a smile is the first step in his perceived ability to conquer and make her submit to him in the bedroom.
    So there is a place for everything. If you are normally reserved and you smile at a man who is used to seeing you in that state, then it excites him because it’s like giving him a green light.

  4. Epi- I would guess not. For some of the reasons stated above- smiling is great for anyone of course, but I wouldn’t say its usually the best tool to use in attracting women because women are attracted to different things. Like stated above, you can infer lower status or submission and men usually don’t want to do that. Women often LIKE and are turned on by a man that is a bit intimidating. I’m not sure the same is true in reverse.

    If you are ALREADY an intimidating man and you smile at a woman it probably works the same way. So if you are a movie star, a CEO, a pro athlete or or just a guy that already has a bunch of status, and an “alpha” image, smiling would be more likely to work- because it lets a woman know you like her and you become less scary.

    A lot of times men are advised NOT to smile in their pictures, in online dating. I would agree with this in most cases, but I’ve always said I think it depends. If you are a white or Asian guy, its often better to come across as “harder” by not smiling, but for a lot of black men, for example- I would give the opposite advice. The reason being that black men have media stereotypes to overcome and actually sometimes have to make an effort to appear LESS intimidating.

  5. Lovergirl — I fully agree with your analysis re smiling and power/submission/dominance..

    Of course, there is a bit of a Catch 22 here, because it is true that smiling is very effective for someone who might otherwise be intimidating…but of course I’m most attracted to men who aren’t intimidated by me regardless. So in a sense, if a guy has an “I know you want it” attitude and flirts with me regardless of the bitch shield, then he is very unusually very, very confident. It rarely happens, and ironic enough, but if it does, it’s because he’s either a super alpha hottie guy who just expects *every* woman to want him, or he’s the total opposite….a completely deluded psychotic weirdo, like literally homeless and with severe mental problems. Regular guys in between won’t generally hit on a woman unless she smiles.

  6. Last night I was in a big arena, during a ball game, working and one of the managers of the whole place walks by and points at me and shouts “THAT girl, she’s got it!! You can see it all the way across the room!” Lol My co-worker just shook her head and said see, I told you, and starts talking about how I could make so much more money promoting elsewhere, haha. I was just standing there when he said that, but I was probably smiling.

  7. I’ve been paying attention to this for sure, especially while stopped at traffic lights. I see lots of women in their cars with semi-frowns on their faces or whatever; it looks very unattractive! I make sure that I always at least have a partial smile on my face while driving or anywhere else.

  8. The thing about this smiling is — what kind of guys are you attracting? You may be catching more attention, but more attention from people you don’t want, is not a good thing. It’s annoying.
    Yes, it’s very nice to see a woman smile *genuinely*. But I also know that hordes of men will be going after her like packs of wild dogs.
    It’s the women who put on the “I don’t give a shit” face or any permutation of it, that signals to me that they “get it.”
    It’s not hard to see through it. And it becomes easier to tell when they’re *trying* to hide their emotions when they come across someone like me.
    The bitch-face works both ways. As in for men. I often try to hide my happiness because it can attract more attention than I actually want. Most of the time, I can barely do it. But I do my best.

  9. Bulma- that’s interesting. I don’t really pay attention to my facial expressions while driving, lol. I’m probably singing along to the radio and totally oblivious to what I look like haha. I guess I don’t expect to meet any guys I’d like while driving either. Though I did get hit up on a dating site one day by a guy who said he’d seen me at a stoplight the day before and proceeded to name the make and model of my vehicle. Totally creeped me out!!

  10. Gluteus_Maximus- Again, a smile is something you can choose to flash any time you want and you can look mean if you are trying to scare guys away, haha. The fact that you feel threatened by a woman smiling too much also shows that it is effective. She may have tons of guys after her, and this brings out the competitive instinct in men. It also makes her seem more attractive than perhaps she actually is, because it ups her value.
    This works for men as well as women (the idea that when there are lots of women competing for your attention you must be high value). If lots of men like a woman, other men will tend to rate her higher. It’s just human nature to want what everyone else wants. Its also why men love cheerleaders (the image of a bubbly, smiling, popular chick that everyone else wants).
    There are times when I am not going to want the attention of men or don’t feel like smiling, and that is fine. However, if I want it, its definitely a tool in my arsenal and most of the time I’m not bothered by attention from men I’m not interested in. As long as its at a low level of “friendly” its not threatening and I’m happy to smile around them.

  11. @ Lovergirl
    “The fact that you feel threatened…”
    I don’t wish to come off as if I want to argue, because I don’t. Yes, I was agreeing it is effective, and if you’re not bothered by men you’re not interested in, cool. Awesome. I agree with the points you are making in this post. I am just adding to it and taking it further.
    All I wanted to offer is, having known a lot of guys, and seeing them out in the “field,” the kind of guy who will jump on this very kind of opportunity is not high value. If you have to signal a guy just to approach you…
    Along with this is that any girl who is above a certain level of attractiveness automatically gets attention from guys, whether you’re a “6, 7, 9.5, 10,” or whatever. So what I’m saying is a smart high-value guy is not going to go through the trouble of having to “compete” for your attention with so many low-value men who have one-eyetis, whom you’re actively attracting. Like I said, women above a certain level of attractiveness attract men already, without having to do anything. But back to the point, it is often easier to pursue the woman who has the “bitch-face” on because most guys, being low-value, are intimidated by her. Just this alone can be an indicator of a higher-value man.
    What I’m saying is counterintuitive, but the woman with the “bitch-face” on is actually very high-value. SO HIGH-VALUE, she actually HAS to put the “bitch-face” on, because she gets TOO MUCH attention. So the only kind of guy who is going to approach her successfully, is someone who has his shit together. And because he has his shit together — that is how he is so confident, and why approaching this kind of woman is more of a no-brainer for him.
    This is why Kryptokate said: “it’s because he’s either a super alpha hottie guy…” and it’s true.
    What I’m offering, is a peek into the mindset of how a smart-guy thinks and behaves. Just remember to keep in mind, Kryptokate herself said “it rarely happens…” which is for the simple reason being that guys like us ARE rare.

  12. Gluteus_ Maximus- Any theories aside, I virtually NEVER have trouble attracting the men I want. So smiling definitely hasn’t HURT me in any way. 🙂 For a woman that DOES have issues with not getting approached, smiling is helpful and it’s definitely not going to chase men away. If she’s approached so often that she can’t deal with it and needs to put up a bitchy front to scare men off, this article probably isn’t for her.

  13. @Gluteus_Maximus In my opinion, a guy engaging conversation with a non smiling at him girl is clearly a creep. Either he has ego issues, either he doesn’t read people.

    I may sometimes call for a smile from a girl, but if she’s not responding or whatever, I know she wants to be left alone. I don’t see why I would annoy her. Engaging conversation in such a situation is just showing how an ass you can be.

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