I have a confession. I’m attracted to older, sometimes much older men. From shifting in my seat in high school in front of the ex-football player History teacher to dating men in their 50s in my twenties. I’m sure a psychoanalyst would have a field day with the Freudian daddy issues inherent in this older man fetish.
I am unashamed to say that I am primarily attracted to power. And rarely does a younger man wield as much power and authority as a man decades older.
I remember reading Vladimir Nabokov’s “Lolita” in college and being vaguely turned on by the little girl/older man dynamic interwoven in Nabokov’s lyricism. This controversial book got me excited as I went to work on my paper with the French history professor.
I wore a low-cut pink shirt and jeans. I was 18 years old and he was probably in his mid-40s. He was a large Canadian man with a convincing presence.
The electricity in that stuffy office was palpable. As I dangled my leg and coyly smiled he spoke about Louis XIV. He was getting more and more worked up as he was trying to convince me to write my term paper on Madame Pompadour Louis XIV’s infamous mistress.
Needless to say I got a solid A in French history that semester.
The rules of dating an older man are: to accept the concessions and the terms which go along with the age disparity. The older man is/has been married in some instances and there is a level of emotional baggage that goes along with life experience. Ex-wives, children, mortgages, or a demanding career are things you should be prepared to take a backseat to and respect. Unless he is looking for his second or third wife there is unlikely to be long-term potential to the relationship because he doesn’t want to deal with a younger woman who doesn’t have her shit together. Also, most younger woman are lacking the emotional development to deal with the demands of an older man’s life. Bottom line: you are in different stages of life and that will be challenging.
The primary driving force behind the older man/younger woman dynamic is the power disparity and exaggerated sexual stereotypes. The innocence and youthful beauty of the woman juxtaposed against the waning virility and authority of the man. Each party is looking to scratch a “sexual itch” and in my opinion, it is rare that dating someone more than 15 years older evolves into something serious and sticks. I mean don’t pull a Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson, okay? That’s just gross.
An older man is exciting because it goes against societal norms, however 50 year old guys naked look just like… 50 year old naked guys. Where you are gaining in wealth and wisdom you lose to gravity and aging. Not all older men, but some have a loss of muscle tone, health issues, and sexual stamina problems. He is not the stallion he was 20 years ago and the sex will reflect that.
I think every woman should a experience a much older man at least once. It is conducive to realizing how much power your beauty and presence holds over a seasoned man. You will learn a lot from him. And you will grow up in the process.