Be Nice

By Cougarbaby


I’ve heard from my single guy friends (and from some male readers/commenters on this site) that dating these days just plain sucks. Why, you might ask? Because women are either flakes or bitches. Huh. Kind of echoes our main complaints that men are assholes with no follow through. Personally, I blame the millennials and the electronic age. The younger generation has little to no accountability and certainly no consideration for others. It’s all me me me. I hate it. And worse, this attitude has rubbed off on us grown-ups. With everything happening online or through social media or anonymous apps such as kik…nobody has to look anybody in the face anymore. And therefore, nobody has to see the results of their careless actions.

So here’s my suggestion. If you have been communicating with someone and you decide you are no longer interested, LET THEM KNOW. A simple, polite message such as “it’s been nice chatting with you, but I don’t think we’re a match. Best of luck in your search” only takes a few seconds and will give nice closure to the recipient. And, if you have any conscience at all, it’ll make you feel good for having done the considerate thing. I know damn well every woman reading this has had a guy just dip out and drop off the face of the earth with no explanation. It has become so prevalent that there’s an actual term for it, ghosting, and it’s a super shitty thing to do (or have done to you). Remember how this made you feel? Pretty terrible right? Remember this the next time you think about ghosting someone.

If you go so far as to arrange a date with someone, be sure you actually want to meet. Then,  SHOW UP. Don’t flake out.

For those of you who like to go out on the town, whether it’s just a GNO or a manhunt, be nice to men who approach you. It takes a lot of guts for a guy to walk up to a complete stranger and try to engage. Appreciate it. It’s a compliment. Be flattered. Even if you have absolutely zero interest in him, be nice. It only takes a second. If you want him to go away you can say something like  “aww thanks but tonight is girls night and I really want to just hang out with my friends.” Or, remember the scene in Hitch when Chip approached what’s-her-name and wouldn’t take the hint? She very nicely thanked him for his interest, said she wanted to be alone, and politely asked him to leave. You too can do that.

It’s illustrated in the first half of this clip:

Please, for the love of God, don’t be mean. Even if he’s a total geek, or a troll, or a douche. Rise above the rest. Be nice. Again, you’ll feel better for it. If you are someone who actually gets off on being hurtful, then you have way more serious issues than I care to address. Refer to my earlier article on how to be happy.

Now, I’m not saying niceness is the key to successful dating BUT it will make an otherwise stressful process less terrible, less insulting to your ego/psyche, and more sustainable. Good luck out there. Happy hunting.




  1. Thank you for this post. As a guy in the dating game, it is very disheartening to think a date went well and then never hear back. I always take the time to message those who I’ve been on dates with where I felt it wouldn’t work out and do exactly as you said; thank them for the date, but let them know that I didn’t see it going anywhere.

    You can always block them if they act like ass-hats after that.

  2. Just to be clear to gals who rarely seem to understand this: being a direct bitch is actually 100X nicer than being indirect and ‘nice’. with hints or subtle blow offs. Don’t leave the door open. Even a crack.
    Guys are hardwired to not give up easily on a woman by the same token that hardwires women to test men with coyness and rejection, and any response that is even a tiny bit walked back from complete and outright rejection will often get interpreted in the male mind as: ‘I think there’s still an opportunity here if I just play this right’, and also a hard self-beating ‘You fucked that up and if you can’t turn it around you aren’t a real man’.
    The attempt to not hurt feelings by being subtle and hinting about your disinterest is actually the most cruel. For the same reason, ‘freindzone’ is also horribly abusive to guys.

  3. In being nice, you must also be careful not to be nice at the expense of caring more about the man’s feelings than your own. MANY women make this mistake. It is good to be nice, it is not good to lead him on by pretending to be interested when you are not. Therein lies the difference. 😉

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