Making friends as an adult can be very difficult for women. In a previous article I made some suggestions as to how to go about it. Did you try any of these ideas? Did you make a friend? If so, please share how.
Why is it so difficult? Maybe it’s because women can be sooooo catty. Ugh! As women, we need to build each other up, not push each other down. I like to offer simple, yet heartfelt compliments to random women I see in public. Cute hair! Love the shoes! That color is gorgeous on you! etc. Usually they respond with a smile and a thank-you. Sometimes this comes with a surprised face. Sometimes they give me the silent treatment with what I call a “smell the fart” face. Pffft, whatev. Rather than get annoyed with them, I just smile and continue on my way.
Casual friends, good friends, work friends, besties, and long term/long distance friendships all come with different levels of familiarity. Some are fairly superficial, while some are very deep and personal. Casual friends will be on kind of a ‘Hey, how ya doing?’ level. Good friends will chat about boyfriends, trouble at work, your period and whatnot. You and your bestie will discuss anything, no matter how gross or intimate.
Here is my query. At what point is it okay, even encouraged to be frank? And to what degree?
“Ahem, you have something in your teeth.” To me, this can be said to a complete stranger. It’s only polite and could save them from embarrassment later.
“Will you please go shopping with me and help me find something that looks good?” This is good friends, or better.
“Does this make me look fat?” This is the million dollar question. Most people will lie and say, “No of course not, you look great!” This is NOT helpful. A true friend will be truthful. I don’t mean hurtful…I mean honest. “Welllll…it is not the most flattering thing you have.” Your bestie will be like, “Oh good lord!! Take it off! Take it off now!!”
What if a woman has facial hair? Chin whiskers. A little (or perhaps not so little) mustache. Sideburns. Hmmm. What if you aren’t good friends with this woman? Can you mention it to her? HOW??
To be honest, I’m actually looking for advice with this one. I know a hairy faced woman. She’s also a terrible dresser. She’s sort of a train wreck and she has no close girlfriends. I am a fan of the underdog and have tried to befriend her, but it has been uncomfortable and personality differences make us incompatible. On the one hand, I feel bad for her and want to help. Should I? On the other hand, she has access to mirrors so she’s gotta know. She’s gotta see. Right? HELP ME!!.