Valentines Day is upon us again! Like many women, you probably have some expectations and hopes pinned on this special holiday made to celebrate love and relationships. Maybe, if you are single, you expect to feel depression and loneliness.
Society has done a great job of promoting expectations for Valentines Day. Whether you are expecting gifts, cards, chocolates, roses, a nice dinner out or maybe even a ring and a proposal, you are probably expecting SOMETHING from the man in your life and if you don’t have one, you are expecting to feel left out.
Even if you are pretending not to care about Valentines Day and ignoring it or going out with girlfriends, chances are, somewhere deep inside, you would still LIKE to feel special to someone today.
It’s okay. Really, it’s every heterosexual woman’s desire to feel special to a man once in a while. Because of this, many, many women are going to end up feeling disappointed today. I’d even venture to say MOST women. You are not alone.
From the married women that feel like their husbands are only giving them something out of obligation, to the girls who didn’t get their ring, to the side chicks that are getting sidelined while the man they love is out with his wife or girlfriend, there are gonna be a lot of unhappy women today. It’s inevitable. Men simply CANNOT live up to the romantic ideals that this holiday has placed on them, over and over again, year after year. It’s not in their nature.
It’s a sad but true fact that even out of the men who TRIED to make this day special for a woman, many of them will fail in that woman’s eyes. Or maybe, they will get it right this year, but won’t be able to live up to it next year or the year after. It’s just too much pressure and expectation to continue topping off what they did before, and it’s why so many men HATE this holiday! Can we really blame them?
For many of us it’s also a very awkward day. Maybe we are not at the point in a relationship where we know what to do or expect. Like, if you just started dating someone, or are still seeing several people, it can be very confusing trying to figure out how to handle it. Ack!
So what do you do? How do you keep this Valentines Day from devolving into a disaster? What can you do to keep your emotions in check, your head screwed on straight and your heart from feeling screwed over?
#1. First and foremost, DROP the expectations. I know this can be the hardest part, but try to let go. Figure that the man or men in your life are probably not going to do ANYTHING for you and remind yourself that it is really not THAT big of a deal if they don’t. Resolve to be pleasantly surprised if they do but not to have an agenda for what SHOULD happen.
It’s really just another day and not the be all end all of “proof” of whether a man cares for you. Commercialism would like you to believe that it is, but it’s not. There are a lot more determining markers of whether or not you are loved than a Valentines Day display. Remember, this is NOT an easy day for most men and they feel anxious about it too.
#2. Don’t leave it in someone else’s hands to make or break your happiness level today. This should be true for every day, but especially today. If it makes you feel good, go out and buy YOURSELF a little treat or a bouquet of roses. Get a massage, take a hot bubble bath, luxuriate in a mani/pedi, watch a romantic comedy or do something else that you enjoy. I started pampering myself on Valentines Day after my divorce and it always makes me feel good! It’s like, yay, I know what I like better than most men do anyway, so why not do something for ME!?
#3. APPRECIATE every little gesture and effort some man puts into you today. Whether it’s a little Happy Valentines Day text, or he takes you out for pizza (when maybe you were expecting something a little nicer), remember to show appreciation. It will make him feel both relieved and more favorable towards doing more things for you in the future. Don’t show negativity towards his attempts, no matter how small.
#4. Share the love you have to give with others. Make sure to send a cheerful message or do something special for your kids, your single girlfriends, and anyone else in your life you feel would benefit. I’m not including men here and I’ll tell you why in a minute.
#5. Please, please, please DON’T go out of your way to do something for a guy unless you are in an established relationship. You may THINK you are being nice by treating him the way you would like to be treated, but in most cases you are really making him feel uncomfortable and pressured. If you are married or in a serious relationship, Valentines Day can go both ways but try not to vastly over-give the amount he is giving to you. It will make his efforts seem inadequate.
#6. If you are single, hit up the dating sites and let someone take you out! Even if it’s not a guy you would normally give a chance. Just let someone spoil you and have a little fun! Women aren’t the only ones who get lonely on Valentine’s Day.
When it’s all said and done, just try to embrace this day with a spirit of lighthearted love and forgiveness. It’s NOT THAT SERIOUS. It really isn’t!
#7. Remember, “expect nothing, enjoy everything”! Take every little moment you can to drink in things that make you feel happy. If it’s nice out, take a walk and take notice of all the beauty around you. If not, find something indoors that you enjoy (a great book on relationships, a fun movie, order some sexy lingerie online for the future). Even if you are working, like me, take the time to encourage someone else who seems down or to feel their joy when they express happiness at whatever great thing happened to them on this day. Don’t make it all about you.
I’m saying this as someone who spent last Valentines Day going through a miscarriage. My heart is going to grieve but I am determined to relax and enjoy the day to the best of my ability. If I can do it, you can too! Best wishes for a wonderful Valentines Day and just in case you don’t hear it from anyone else, I think you are awesome just for being here! Thanks for reading my blog and lots of hugs!!