What to Expect on Valentines Day

by Lovergirl

Lovergirl

Valentines Day is upon us again! Like many women, you probably have some expectations and hopes pinned on this special holiday made to celebrate love and relationships. Maybe, if you are single, you expect to feel depression and loneliness.

Society has done a great job of promoting expectations for Valentines Day. Whether you are expecting gifts, cards, chocolates, roses, a nice dinner out or maybe even a ring and a proposal, you are probably expecting SOMETHING from the man in your life and if you don’t have one, you are expecting to feel left out.

Even if you are pretending not to care about Valentines Day and ignoring it or going out with girlfriends, chances are, somewhere deep inside, you would still LIKE to feel special to someone today.

It’s okay. Really, it’s every heterosexual woman’s desire to feel special to a man once in a while. Because of this, many, many women are going to end up feeling disappointed today. I’d even venture to say MOST women. You are not alone.

From the married women that feel like their husbands are only giving them something out of obligation, to the girls who didn’t get their ring, to the side chicks that are getting sidelined while the man they love is out with his wife or girlfriend, there are gonna be a lot of unhappy women today. It’s inevitable. Men simply CANNOT live up to the romantic ideals that this holiday has placed on them, over and over again, year after year. It’s not in their nature.

It’s a sad but true fact that even out of the men who TRIED to make this day special for a woman, many of them will fail in that woman’s eyes. Or maybe, they will get it right this year, but won’t be able to live up to it next year or the year after. It’s just too much pressure and expectation to continue topping off what they did before, and it’s why so many men HATE this holiday! Can we really blame them?

For many of us it’s also a very awkward day. Maybe we are not at the point in a relationship where we know what to do or expect. Like, if you just started dating someone, or are still seeing several people, it can be very confusing trying to figure out how to handle it.  Ack!

So what do you do? How do you keep this Valentines Day from devolving into a disaster? What can you do to keep your emotions in check, your head screwed on straight and your heart from feeling screwed over?

#1. First and foremost, DROP the expectations. I know this can be the hardest part, but try to let go. Figure that the man or men in your life are probably not going to do ANYTHING for you and remind yourself that it is really not THAT big of a deal if they don’t. Resolve to be pleasantly surprised if they do but not to have an agenda for what SHOULD happen.

It’s really just another day and not the be all end all of “proof” of whether a man cares for you. Commercialism would like you to believe that it is, but it’s not. There are a lot more determining markers of whether or not you are loved than a Valentines Day display. Remember, this is NOT an easy day for most men and they feel anxious about it too.

#2. Don’t leave it in someone else’s hands to make or break your happiness level today. This should be true for every day, but especially today. If it makes you feel good, go out and buy YOURSELF a little treat or a bouquet of roses. Get a massage, take a hot bubble bath, luxuriate in a mani/pedi, watch a romantic comedy or do something else that you enjoy. I started pampering myself on Valentines Day after my divorce and it always makes me feel good! It’s like, yay, I know what I like better than most men do anyway, so why not do something for ME!?

#3. APPRECIATE every little gesture and effort some man puts into you today. Whether it’s a little Happy Valentines Day text, or he takes you out for pizza (when maybe you were expecting something a little nicer), remember to show appreciation. It will make him feel both relieved and more favorable towards doing more things for you in the future. Don’t show negativity towards his attempts, no matter how small.

#4.  Share the love you have to give with others. Make sure to send a cheerful message or do something special for your kids, your single girlfriends, and anyone else in your life you feel would benefit. I’m not including men here and I’ll tell you why in a minute.

#5. Please, please, please DON’T go out of your way to do something for a guy unless you are in an established relationship. You may THINK you are being nice by treating him the way you would like to be treated, but in most cases you are really making him feel uncomfortable and pressured. If you are married or in a serious relationship, Valentines Day can go both ways but try not to vastly over-give the amount he is giving to you. It will make his efforts seem inadequate.

#6.  If you are single, hit up the dating sites and let someone take you out! Even if it’s not a guy you would normally give a chance. Just let someone spoil you and have a little fun! Women aren’t the only ones who get lonely on Valentine’s Day.

When it’s all said and done, just try to embrace this day with a spirit of lighthearted love and forgiveness. It’s NOT THAT SERIOUS. It really isn’t!

#7. Remember, “expect nothing, enjoy everything”! Take every little moment you can to drink in things that make you feel happy. If it’s nice out, take a walk and take notice of all the beauty around you. If not, find something indoors that you enjoy (a great book on relationships, a fun movie, order some sexy lingerie online for the future). Even if you are working, like me, take the time to encourage someone else who seems down or to feel their joy when they express happiness at whatever great thing happened to them on this day. Don’t make it all about you.

I’m saying this as someone who spent last Valentines Day going through a miscarriage. My heart is going to grieve but I am determined to relax and enjoy the day to the best of my ability. If I can do it, you can too! Best wishes for a wonderful Valentines Day and just in case you don’t hear it from anyone else, I think you are awesome just for being here! Thanks for reading my blog and lots of hugs!!

~Lovergirl

Lovergirl

5 comments

  1. Oh how I wish I would have read this before the weekend because it definitely would have made me feel better and saved me some tears! But it’s sort of ok because I had no expectations and I knew the guy I am seeing would be out of town. The worst feeling was thinking, why did he choose to go away this weekend? It wasn’t for work or anything. He must be seeing another girl for Valentines Day? So while I was all alone he must have been out having fun or cheating on me with someone else. I’m getting tears in my eyes just thinking about it again. I mean, why would he pick this weekend to go? I feel he just wanted to be away to avoid feeling obligated to see me or he has some other girlfriend. Doesn’t that seem suspicious to anyone?

    I’m not a clingy or needy person, but on a day like this you just think of everyone else around you being with their boyfriends. Presents don’t even matter, just having that person there is enough. I think Valentines Day is kind of a test though. I feel like if you don’t get at least a card, it’s like a message saying “you aren’t important enough for that” or “I don’t like you that much”. So you kind of know where you stand. I know it’s not supposed to matter, but still.

  2. Bulma78-
    Ugh! I’m so sorry you had a rough Valentines Day!! 🙁 I hate to say it, but yes, that definitely triggers my red flag meter, that he went away for Valentines Day weekend somewhere else. Ouch. All the preparation in the world and I am sure that would still feel like crap. 🙁
    Clearly, he is not on the same page as you regarding the relationship, but at least now you know. As hard as it is, consider that his “gift” to you. Now you know you are not in any way obligated to be committed to him.
    While you don’t want to have high expectations for V-day, its true that it can serve as a test. It lets you know for sure whether HE is ready for any kind of commitment. No Valentines Day acknowledgement = he is not serious about you, at least not yet. Not sure how long you have been seeing each other or how serious you expected it to be.

  3. I am dating three women right now and as every year, I completely IGNORED Valentine’s day. I met up with a platonic girl friend and went hiking actually. Didn’t hear a peep from the GFs. Either they wanted to ignore it too or they had some other man to do Valentine’s stuff with.
    I agree with LG’s points about men hating V-day; so much pressure has been put on it and so many women have radically different fantasies about what is supposed to happen on it (fantasies which they of course are incapable of communicating to me) that it becomes a horrific minefield. I love spending time with my women and I love to let them know that I care about them, but I simply cannot do it on February 14th or something/someone will blow up in my face. Pretty much every other day of the year is fine though 🙂
    In my previous mono life it was better, but still a difficult day to get right with the GF or wife. I’m glad to be past that.

  4. Guess what, guys? It’s not a dozen long-stemmed red roses and a pricey box of chocolates that women get all misty-eyed over when mid-February rolls around each year. True, retailers love to push these traditional heart-day gifts, but most women would be far more impressed by a simpler — and often less-expensive — gift that somehow touches her heart.

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