Online Dating – Part Three – Actually Going on Dates

By CougarBaby


You’ve got your profile set up and you have been emailing. Now it’s time to actually start meeting these guys. How best to go about it? Here’s what works for me:

You have already determined what you are looking for via email, right? Hook-up, relationship, friends, whatever? Good. If not, do so.

Once you know you are both in it for the same thing, I always recommend talking to them on the phone. NOT TEXT. Email to text is such a lateral move and really tells you very little about the guy. You can’t get any inflection or mood via text message. Talking on the phone is important and a great time saver. What if he has a voice like Mike Tyson or Kermit the Frog? No! What if he’s a total potty mouth or he can’t get a sentence out without an annoying habit like, “Ya know what I mean?” or “I hear ya” or or or….? You can’t always tell if someone is stupid or an asshole via email/text. You definitely can on the phone. Think of all the time you just saved yourself!

If he has passed the talk test, set up a meet. Make this short and sweet. A drink. A cup of coffee. NOT a meal. A meal is WAY too much of a time commitment. Let’s be honest. We know in the first minute (or less) if we have any interest in getting someone naked. If it’s a “no” then be polite and only order water. Most guys are gentlemanly enough to pick up the tab and it’s uncool to make
him pay when he is never gonna see you again.

I kind of wish we could use Barney Stinson’s Lemon Law. Fans of How I Met Your Mother will get this reference. When Barney tried online dating he didn’t want to waste time on a date who showed up looking nothing like her pictures. He would immediately say “Lemon Law!” then get up and walk away. There have been several occasions where I’ve wanted to do this. Unfortunately, I’m not quite mean enough. Thoughts?

If it’s a yes or a maybe then yay! Chat. Get to know each other. Have fun. Be yourself. If you hit it off, great!! Do your thing.

If you are shy and have a hard time coming up with conversation topics here are some ideas:

– how is online dating going for you?

– what is your best/worst first date story?

– reference something from your emails or phone call.

– ask them to tell you about their kid or dog or job.

Then listen and respond accordingly. It’ll be great! Good luck and happy hunting! 🙂




  1. This reminds me of this one guy. He called me prior to asking me out and while he was a good looking guy in pictures, he had this really high pitched squeaky voice. He sounded like Mickey Mouse. I couldn’t do it! Haha Normally I let the guy make all the decisions about whether or not to call me and where we are going to go. I know everyone says a woman knows in the first few minutes but I’m not always sure. Sometimes I need to get a better feel for him. In any case, I just try to order something similar priced or less than what he does if we are going out to eat, unless I REALLY don’t like the guy. Then I don’t feel that hungry, lol. 😉

  2. I disagree about talking on the phone being a time saver. Because on the phone you can’t see them and the biggest thing most people lie about is their appearance.

    I think texting (which takes seconds usually) can give you a sense of someone pretty well actually. The other big thing it does (if you use it properly) is it is HUGE in screening out the people that haven’t been honest about their pics. I have about 7-8 pics on my dating profile but have another 4-5 on my phone that I use to help screen deceptive people. Once moving to text I usually say something like, “Do you have any other recent pics to share? I want to make sure I am not being catfished by a 500lb man? Here are a few more of me…”

    And then I send 3-4 additional pics of me.

    People that are being genuine about their pics have other pics and have no issue sending a couple more. I cannot tell you how many people this has weeded out that I otherwise would have wasted time with LEMOM LAW (love that episode). If they don’t have any other pics and/or are unwilling to take a few and send them that says quite a bit about them IMO.

    You can use the phone but I would use that AFTER using text to screen out the ones that have been less than honest about their appearance as a phone call can easily take up 15 mins or more and regardless how charming someone is, if they are 100 lbs heavier than their pics it won’t matter how great their phone banter was. Texting takes a few mins at most and saves way more time.

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