Let’s call a spade a spade, divorce sucks. No matter how amicable or dirty it is, it’s never easy. Once upon a time you said your vows to someone who you thought was your one and only, and the two of you were going to live happily ever after… Well, unfortunately things don’t always go as planned, and you may have found yourself in a place where you have to get up and knock that dirt off of you. So let’s discuss moving on after divorce.
Just like a death, you need to grieve this loss. It’s good to be upset, depressed, devastated, furious, relieved, and happy. You are going to experience an array of emotions, so just go with it and ride that roller coaster. I’m a huge fan of counseling, especially when one is going through a life changing event. It’s nice to have an objective person to help you process your feelings and give guidance. The nice thing about seeking a professional to talk to is that they are there to help you and not give negative feedback regarding the ex, which is a common thing that happens with friends or family who often want to bash and blame.
Spend time with people you love
Be with people who make you smile and also let you cry. It’s common to want to isolate yourself, and while isolation can be a good thing, one can also take it too far. Let people be there for you, even if it’s going out to coffee or having a movie night with a girlfriend. Avoid spilling tears into your wine glass alone, call a friend to help you cope. This is a good time to have your support system.
Channel your crazy
Over the years I have witnessed friends and loved ones go through a divorce and they all have this period where the go a little nuts. Some of them start partying, sleeping around or dating right away, which isn’t a terrible thing but normally after a divorce you’re not in your healthiest mind frame, so while it’s good to go have a good time, be cautious. Like attracts like, and if you’re negative, you’ll attract negative. Avoid self-destructive behavior, instead try finding a new hobby
Finding a new hobby
My suggestion is working out. We already know the benefits on exercise, so take a kick-boxing class and let your aggression out. Don’t bottle up your emotions, push them down, or displace them on others, find a punching bag and go ape shit on it. If that isn’t really your style and you want a more zen approach, go to yoga and meditate it out. Be a champion and try both! This is a great time to try new things and explore who you are. Plus you now how some free time, so make the best of it.
When you’re ready and the sooner the better, stop facebook, instagram and twitter stalking. Of course we want them to be miserable and to make sure that if they are dating someone new they’re less attractive and hopefully have some weird physical thing we can make fun of so we feel better about ourselves, but it’s not going to help. Social media is wonderful but it’s ruined our society a bit. Try to not obsess and validate that their life is now soooo much better than yours. Make your life so awesome that it is even better without them.
Start fresh. The worst thing is walking into your home and seeing your ex everywhere. You feel haunted by the reminders and it may feel like that wound is constantly having salt poured on it. Get some new sheets, move the furniture, paint the walls and make your home who you are. You’re not going to be able to escape the memories, so cherish the good and make your place a space that is going to help you feel like you again.
This is a tough one because sometimes you want to get right back in the game and knock out a rebound. I don’t necessarily suggest it, because it can leave you feeling a little more empty. Once your have processed the breakup and find yourself in place wanting casual sex, go for it! When you do start dating take it slow, or just have fun and date around…see what is out there. Take a good look at what you want in your life right now. Just sex? A serious relationship? Nothing at all? Evaluate what your hard no’s are and get your boundaries straightened out.
Being single is amazing, and it’s a time for self-exploration and self love. Take time to be sad, learn from your past and use it to move on to a more positive future. It’s not the end of the world, it’s a new beginning.