Looking for Love and Clichés

By Exoticdoc

Exoticdoc

This article may not tell you where to go to find your Prince Charming or how to lock down that dude you’re madly in love with and have been dating for a week. It IS however, about encouraging you to find your one true love…you know…yourself.

Now I don’t want to do the cliché “you can’t truly love anyone until you love yourself” spiel, because that’s bullshit. We have all “loved” people while not exactly loving ourselves. These relationships usually have one thing in common; they were/are unhealthy. Why? Maybe because all of us have some unhealthy habits, insecurities, or we just really, really, really want to be loved, and maybe, juuuust maybe, we are living on a timeline.

Whatever the reason, it’s vital to figure out who you are and love yourself before trying to jump into the next best thing.

A lot of women are set on being married by a certain age, having a family by a certain age, having “x” amount of money and a career that makes Beyonce applaud us. We all have different reasons for this innate desire. Is it biological? Because we are goal oriented? Is it because some of us have a fear that if it doesn’t happen, we’ll end up old, alone and with 46 cats?! Am I right? Right?! RIGHT?!?!

In all honesty, it’s probably a combination of reasons, but if you keep yourself on a timeline, you might find yourself disappointed, or in a shitty relationship with three kids. So a little piece of advice: drop the timeline expectation. If you have to do x,y, and z in your life and feel the overwhelming urge to make that happen, do it, but keep yourself open and don’t force things, especially in the dating world. Before settling down, or jumping into your next relationship even though you know that this guy is “totes the one,” take a step back and think how happy are you with you. Find out what inspires you, makes you smile and sets you off. Embrace who you are and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Even if that means *GASP* being alone.

Being alone isn’t the end of the world, it’s actually the beginning. Take some time to create your dream life. You want to paint your entire place red, do it. You want to shave the side of your head and get a huge tattoo…well think about it for a while and if you still want it, do it! You want to find a partner that you love and respect, and they you…then start loving and respecting yourself. Don’t settle because you’re 35 and you thought you’d have kids by now. Get rid of the controlling asshole, or the manipulative douche that are only there when their needs are getting met, despite how “funny” and “really nice” they can be. Being lonely is tough and no matter what, there will be times you have to deal with it, but don’t go the easy route to fill the hole (literally and metaphorically speaking). Besides wouldn’t you rather be by yourself, than be with another person and feel alone?

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date at all, but let it happen organically. If you happen to find someone along the way, that is everything you ever dreamed then hooray!! However, don’t give up your life, all of your free time, or your friends for someone. Keep your identity, it’s not for anyone else to define and no one is going to make you happy but you. That’s really exciting news, ya know?! It means that you are in charge of your life and what you want and don’t want in it.

I wish that I could make a list of things to do that will make you feel all warm in fuzzy inside, like go buy a Grande skinny double whip pumpkin spice latte and get a mani/pedi with your lady friends, but unfortunately self-work is just that, it’s work. I want to urge you to find your inner artist, inner bad ass, inner whatever. Dig deep to be the woman you’re meant to be. Take care of your wants and needs, make your own rules and stick to your boundaries. Once you own who you are, you are in possession of the most attractive quality…confidence.

So in summary, get rid of the timeline, find a hobby that you love, enjoy all the beauty of the world, go to a coffee shop and read a book. Who knows, you might find what you’re looking for when you least expect it.

~Exoticdoc

Exoticdoc

4 comments

  1. “…don’t go the easy route to fill the hole (literally and metaphorically speaking)”

    Lol, awesome.

  2. Awesome advice. I think also learning to question why you think the way you do, why you feel the way you do, and why you want what you want really helps the process of loving yourself.When you ask these questions of yourself, you’re forced to know yourself, and you’re forced to acknowledge aspects of yourself that you dislike. You’re also forced to acknowledge aspects of yourself that you do like and want to amplify. It makes a huge difference if you know that you’re living life and behaving on your terms vs, living life and behaving according to what you’ve been told to do.

    I think that we all suffer from stifling social conditioning according to our assigned genders. But I believe that women are reared in a way that they learn to live for the expectations and benefits of other people vs how men are raised. Men have their social chains as well, but they are raised with knowledge that ultimately they are their own person and are allowed to have their own needs. With these differences I think women often feel guilty, insecure, and worthless because having your own needs is seen as “bitchy” and “controlling”. As you said it takes a shit ton of work to break away from societal programming. Getting to know yourself, and loving yourself is the ultimate guide to happiness!

  3. You know whats funny? Every time I decide I need a little time away from men in general and go to focus on myself, I”m suddenly swarmed with more male attention than I feel I can handle. It’s like the busier I am attending to ME, the more it pulls them in. Sometimes this is annoying, but I have read that men are actually attracted to a woman that is more self focused than focused on him and it makes sense!

  4. quote
    I think that we all suffer from stifling social conditioning according to our assigned genders.
    end quote

    Oh dear god! So Fluff, are you going to be the resident radical feminist trying to gently lead the rest of the women here towards lesbian separatism? I’m asking a serious question, because I can smell crazy radfems like a trained dog can smell cocaine.

    FYI: Your gender was assigned to you by your genes, hormones, and DNA, not by any fictitious patriarchal institution, radical feminist garbage notwithstanding. Please, read more biology books and less Dworkin.

    quote
    . But I believe that women are reared in a way that they learn to live for the expectations and benefits of other people vs how men are raised.
    end quote

    The truth value of the above quote is stated exactly backwards.. It is men who are expected to live and die solely and exclusively for the benefit of the women and children. Society’s definition of a male hero is an unpaid bodyguard or slave who risks his life for others without compensation (consult any super hero movie if you want a fictional example), Men are expected to die in wars, to work their lives away to support women so they (the women) can be protected at home and get free money. Our entire society is organized for the benefit of women on the backs of male worker bees.

    quote
    Men have their social chains as well, but they are raised with knowledge that ultimately they are their own person and are allowed to have their own needs.
    end quote

    Completely false! This is Women’s Studies horseshit! If a man tries to assert his own needs, he is called selfish, immature, a little boy, irresponsible, bitter, and probably has a small penis. Men are raised as human doings. Women are raised as human beings. Every time a woman is the victim of a crime, or does something heroic, the media calls her a woman. If she does something shameful, the media calls her a “person.” But if a man does something heroic, or is the victim of a crime, the media calls him a “person,” whereas if he does something shameful, the media calls him “man.” Surely, even a radical feminist like you must get tired of all the “girl power” crap that our cultural and legal institutions keep pushing. The White House even has a special Council on Women and Girls, but not on men and boys, because men and boys are supposed to be heroes (read: unpaid slaves) with no identity or needs of their own.

    quote
    With these differences I think women often feel guilty, insecure, and worthless because having your own needs is seen as “bitchy” and “controlling”.
    end quote

    Everything you write is boilerplate radical feminist nonsense! Society tells us that a woman having her own needs is beautiful (you go girl!), while a man having his own needs suffers from “toxic masculinity” and is probably a rapist.

    Seriously, at least admit that you are a radfem trying to “undo the psychological colonization of your sisters.” Your ideas will still be batshit insane, but at least you’ll be honest about what you are and what you’re doing here.

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