So how do you manage multiple men when you barely have time for one? Many people may wonder, upon hearing of my lifestyle, how it’s even possible. How do I find the time to work, raise children, and do all the things required of me as a single mom as well as handle all these guys? Sometimes a relationship with just ONE guy can seem to drain all of your energy and time!
I don’t know your schedule and your personal limitations, but if you are like pretty much everyone else in this day and age, you are BUSY. One more item on your to do list may seem overwhelming at times. Believe me, I know. I am probably one of the busier people out there and on top of that my job requires me to convince people to commit to a significant time commitment before buying the product we are trying to sell. Hardly anyone thinks they have time for it! Still, if you want something bad enough, you will find a way to make it happen!
One of the men in my current rotation is a millionaire. He carries around three different phones and gets 7,000 emails a day. According to him, he only SLEEPS about 4 hours a night. He’s shown me his email notifications, so I know he’s not making this up, but you know what he said to me? He said anyone can make money, but not everyone can make time. He said if he wants to see someone he will MAKE the time for them, regardless of whether he is insanely busy or not.
I believe him because I do the same thing in my own life, I make time for what is important to me, even if it seems to many people that it would be “impossible.” I’m remembering this now because I’m feeling, perhaps, a little short shafted in the time department from this particular guy right now, ha! I know though, that if he wants to make it happen, he will.
When I first got divorced, my children were young; too young to leave at home alone without a babysitter. The youngest was 8 months old and still nursing, so couldn’t be left with someone for more than a few hours at a time, even with my ex husband. Did I mention I was running a home daycare in order to pay the bills? I didn’t have a lot of time to myself!
That’s really what started it all. I was coming out of a marriage where I was emotionally and sexually deprived and craved intimacy but I had all these roadblocks in the way. I wasn’t ready for something serious and long term again, but I really, really wanted to have sex! I needed some adult connection.
I had this long distance emotional thing going on with a man that I rarely ever saw in person, but that wasn’t enough. Plus, I knew HE was having sex with other people. What about me? How could I find a way to get my own sexual needs met without sacrificing time with my children and other important things in my life?
Thankfully, we live in an age where we have computers with internet service and cell phones. It’s very, very easy for a woman to hop online and find guys who want to hook up! So, after the kids were asleep or while I was nursing the baby, I could also be scanning profiles and websites for the perfect guy to meet up with. One who would pass all my initial requirements and who would be willing to meet in a public place during the rare few hours I had available (about once a week at that time, sometimes only once every two weeks).
I could plan ahead, get a feel for what the guy was like over text, and agree to meet up during the window of time when my ex had all the kids. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. I didn’t want to mess with endless dating so I got to sex pretty quickly, but I still made them take me out first so I could make sure I liked them enough and everything was safe.
As it so happened, several of the men I met lived in other cities. There just weren’t a lot of men that were my type in the small, redneck city I was living in at the time. That often worked out perfectly because they would travel my way from time to time and always made plans beforehand. They weren’t too demanding of my time but were willing to keep enough of an emotional connection to keep me happy in the interim.
Eventually, as the children grew older, I was able to leave them occasionally with a sweet 21 year old college student. I still didn’t utilize her that frequently because I didn’t want to pay for it, but sometimes men would offer to pay just to be able to spend some time with me. Of course as far as anyone knew, I was just going out for short dates, I didn’t share with the world that I was having sex. I was always discreet (and still am, in real life).
When the youngest became old enough to stay overnight on occasional weekends with their dad, a whole new world was opened up. A couple of men had told me about the swinger community and now was my opportunity to check it out. Fun!
I even started a blog to journal about my experiences! For those who have read it, it may sound like I’m partying it up every weekend, but that’s really not the case. I’ve probably been to 12-14 parties total over the last several years. Even now that my oldest children are teenagers and I work outside of the home, I don’t go out much and am often home on the weekends. Most people who know me would never suspect a thing. 😉 Shhhh…..
My children now only see their father once every couple of months or so. We live in different cities now and he doesn’t make a lot of effort. So overnights are actually fairly rare, but I make time for a couple of hours of sex once or twice a week. Occasionally its more often, and occasionally its less, but most men are willing to take whatever you will give them!
This is why and how I keep several men “on call” for random and rare rendezvous. I may see a particular guy only a few times a year or once every couple of months. There are usually only one or two guys that I see frequently.
Right now there is one guy that I have been seeing once or twice a week. He’s always asking me to spend the night but I haven’t been able to do that yet. There is another guy that I see maybe 2-3 times a month. Everyone else is just when and if I have the time! If I’m in the mood or come across a particularly intriguing guy online I will sometimes go out on a date with someone new. I keep my online profiles up so its always a possibility, but not really something I do a lot.
As far as texting and phone calls, I keep it to a minimum. I just don’t have a lot of time for it. If I’m really emotionally attached, of course I make more time. The man I was seeing the past year got a lot more of my time than anyone who I am more casually involved with ever has. It doesn’t hurt that I was also doing work for him (helping him with his business) and making money at the same time, effectively killing two birds with one stone. You know we women are good at multitasking!
Of course seeing him so often, others got dropped to the back burner, and for several months I didn’t see anyone else at all. But you know what? When things were over with him- they were all still there! Like a wise man once said to me “men are like swallows to Capistrano, they always come back!” It’s true too!
One thing about men is that once they have sex with you a few times, its RARE that they completely drop off the map. For all the worries about being pumped and dumped, men almost always come back to a woman they have slept with, over and over again and they will do it for years if you let them. I’ve proved this time and time again. Even men that you think are gone for good, will often return sometime later, hoping to get in your panties again. 😉
All that to say that it’s much easier than it appears. Men will frequently fall in line when they realize you aren’t able to give them that much attention. Presumably, most of the men you are interested in are going to have lives of their own to keep up with and often other women as well. For me, needy guys don’t last long but those who can handle infrequency are often invaluable. Still, I like and need connection, I’m not this coldhearted woman that can take no contact whatsoever.
Your life is probably different than mine but I’m willing to bet you have SOME way to find time for yourself and to create the sex life you desire. I never had family around to help babysit and my kids dad doesn’t even take them very often. I’ve got more than the average number of children and I work now outside the home, plus run them around to various appointments and activities and have a whole lot on my plate. If I can do it, anyone can!