Friends Before Lovers

By Cougarbaby


You’ve heard that annoying saying, “Before you can love another you have to love yourself.” Blah blah ugh. Totally annoying right?? BUT it’s true. You will NOT find fulfillment with a man if you don’t already have it with yourself.

I’ve learned that a good way to fast track self-fulfillment is with girlfriends. Numerous studies confirm this. I’m not going to site sources. You can google it. 😉  Women with a good group of girlfriends (think Sex and The City) live longer, healthier, happier lives. If you already have this, GREAT. If not, you can get it.

Remember when you were a kid how easy it was to make friends? Don’t you wish it was the same as an adult? Well good news! It can be. 🙂 Here are some methods that I have used to make new friends.

First, pick something that you really like to do and/or something that you’ve always wanted to try. For example:

Work-out.  Join a class at your local gym. Arrive early and chat up the ladies around you. BEFORE class not during cuz that’s super rude. Bond during class with quick words of encouragement like, “yeah you got this!” or eyerolls at particularly tough stuff. Then chat again after. Simple things like,

  • Wow, you’re really strong!
  • How long have you been coming to class?
  • Is there another class like this?
  • Where’d you get those cute pants?
  • Is anyone up for coffee, smoothie, drink, etc?

Note: start with ONE question/comment then wait for a response and proceed from there.

Try something new(ish). For me it’s always some type of dance class. Line dance, argentine tango, pole dance… These don’t require a partner, so just show up and be enthusiastic. Then apply the same techniques as above. How long have you been dancing? Where else is fun to go? Cute boots! I’m gonna go grab a drink, wanna join me? Etc.

Join a meet-up group. There are a zillion! Anything and everything you can imagine, there’s a group for it. The whole purpose of a meet-up group is to allow grown-ups to meet new people. Yay! Everyone is there for the same thing. There are some dedicated to women only, if that’s less intimidating for you, or you can go to a regular meet-up and multi-task your friend search with a man-hunt (cuz you still gotta get you some now and then). Bonus!

Facebook. I often see interesting things in my feed, like so-and-so is going to an event near you. Check out that event. Once you click on something, your feed will automatically show you similar stuff. Look into it. Browse. Something is bound to pop out at you. Try it!

Book club. This is often just an excuse for women to get out of the house and drink wine, but hey, who doesn’t love wine??

Public works. Your local library will offer all kinds of learning activities. Also there is probably a Parks Department or some such in your area with lots of classes and group activities.

But remember, take it easy. It’s a lot like dating, so the same rules apply. Don’t go too fast or you will seem desperate and nobody wants that. Whatever activity you choose should be something that interests YOU so that YOU will have a great time whether you make a friend right away or not. Enjoy the activity for the activity’s sake. Get lean and strong or learn a new dance or read a new book, whatever. Do it for YOU.

When you are fun and happy people will gravitate to you. Boom! Friends.




  1. Nice suggestions on how to meet female friends. A lot of us lose touch with our female friends, especially as we get older and get married or in relationships for a long time. Its a good reminder to keep some other women in your life so that you aren’t dependent on men for things that they sometimes aren’t capable of fulfilling.

  2. I have come to think of my sisters as female friends too. Growing up, I never thought of it that way, but now I realize how much we have in common, how much history is there, and how they are friends unlike any other. So if you have sisters, don’t be so quick to count them out.

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