Women have a million and one man problems, but when it comes to dating I think that most of them fall into one of four broad categories.
1. You can’t get a date.
If this is your problem, there is only one reason, and it’s that you’re not physically attractive enough. The reason that I know it’s the problem is because attractive women get offers for dates regardless of how mean, dumb, or boring their personality is. Sad but true. Any woman above a simple threshold level of attractiveness, who participates in society at all, can get dates. So if you truly can’t get any and don’t understand why, it’s because you don’t look attractive enough (to men). Your friends and family won’t want to tell you this because they care about you and your feelings regardless of how you look, so you can’t rely on their advice.
Almost all women understand this very well, so I’m not going to waste a lot of time on it. But the bottom line is that (heterosexual) men like fit, youthful, pretty women. There’s no getting around it. And it’s the minimum acceptable threshold for a man looking for a woman, so it’s what you have to present if you want dates. If you’re overweight, or have bad hair or teeth, or don’t dress to show your figure, or don’t bother to wear makeup, just accept that those things are the price of attracting men, and no amount of morals or principles will change it.
If you can’t get a date at all, it means there’s not even a market for what you have to offer. There’s no demand at all. You need to make what you’re offering more appealing and generate some demand.
2. You can’t get a date with the “right” kind of guy.
This is a different problem from the woman who can’t get dates AT ALL, and a much more common problem. You can get dates, but not from the type of man you want. The only guys who ask you out are much older, overweight, unemployed, or otherwise not what you desire. In general, the problem here is that your expectations and desires are not aligned with what you are offering to men.
Women don’t like to think of dating and romance this way, but it’s really a market that operates on free-market principles of supply and demand. Men look for certain basic things (pretty, sexy, kind, healthy, classy, etc) and then each guy has his quirks. Women do the same. And they both compare all the options and pick the best one they can get. The problem is that people deem themselves to be “worth” a certain type of person, regardless of what their market competition is. But in a market, the value of something is not determined on an objective scale but based on supply (and thus, competition), and the strength of demand. So even when demand is high, if supply is also high, it doesn’t matter.
So for example, one might be pretty, but if they are a college student on a campus full of pretty sorority girls, then being pretty isn’t really worth much to a guy because although the demand is high, so is the supply. So a girl can’t get a top guy just being pretty. She needs to have other outstanding features. If you live somewhere without a high supply of pretty girls – say, Alaska, you can probably date basically any man you want if you’re a good-looking woman.
The bottom line here is that if you can’t get the caliber of men you want, you either need to adjust your expectations, increase your “market value” by upping your game, or moving to someplace where the supply of desirable women is lower relative to men.
3. You get dates with the right guys, but they use you for sex.
This is a very common complaint, and it’s what happens when you get tons of dates and hook-ups, but guys aren’t offering to get into long-term relationships with you or commit to you. They send you penis pics, they hook up with you and then don’t text afterwards, or they only text you once a month for a booty call when they’re horny and their first option wasn’t available.
What’s going on here is that you’re sexy and attractive enough, and you’re available, but men don’t see you as “relationship material” – which can be for a variety of reasons, but if this happens regularly it’s because men don’t generally perceive you to be classy, socially proper, and “hard to obtain” enough for their taste.
Yes, it’s conflicting and “unfair” that men desire hot, sexy, slutty women, but don’t really want them for relationships. It’s also a reality that isn’t going to change. If a woman seems like she sleeps with any guy, or she gets drunk too often, or she seems dumb, or she has too many kids, or she can’t hold down a real job, or any number of other things that don’t make a woman quality commitment material, guys will just see you as fun for sex but not for a relationship.
Now personally, I think women should just get over their desire for committed relationships and use guys for sex right back, but I can’t seem to convince enough women to take this attitude. Therefore, if you want men offering to commit to you, you gotta be classy, or at least pretend to be. You have to be the type of woman a guy can’t believe would want to be with him, and that he thinks he’s lucky to have snagged. A woman who most guys can’t get. A woman his parents and boss will approve of and his friends will be jealous of. This mostly means being socially restrained and seemingly difficult to get. It’s a dumb game but I assure you it works very well.
4. Guys pressure you for relationships and fall in love when you don’t want them to.
There’s only two reasons this happens. One is that you’re on top of your game and at the top of the dating market and you’re the girl every guy wishes to lock down. In other words, you’re:
– Laid back
– Low drama
– Have a good job
– Love sex
– Don’t have tons of baggage
– Don’t chase commitment.
If so, congratulations, you win. Now your job is to manage people’s emotions by letting them down easy.
The other reason this happens is because you date way below your league. You have low self-esteem or abandonment issues so you date guys “below” you because you know they won’t leave. You’re the best girl they’ll ever get, so of course they get terribly attached. This is to be expected when people give a shot to someone that is clearly well below them in the dating market. The lower-market person will fall madly in the love and the higher-market person will be stuck trying to extricate themselves from the relationship without hurting feelings.
This is why, like with Kevin Hart’s joke about how people should “stay in their own financial lane” and not hang out with friends who make way more money than them, I advise people to stay in their own dating lane. If you try to date a guy who is much more in-demand on the dating market than you are, you’ll end up falling for him and he’ll end up making you feel used for sex. If you try to be nice and give a chance to guy who is way below your dating lane, he’ll end up hopelessly falling for you, following you around like a puppy dog, potentially stalking you, and being terribly hurt, sad, angry, or hostile when you finally break up with him (which you will).
In sum: it isn’t a really nice thought, but dating is a market that obeys the laws of supply and demand. There’s a flea market, a mass market, niche markets, and a luxury market. Figure out where you fit in and work the market to your best advantage. It isn’t romantic or cute or heart-warming, but it’s the truth, and things make much more sense once you start thinking of them this way.